#42 - visit the Everglades

After a disastrous attempt at "traditional" Thanksgiving last year (I dropped my pecan pie taking it out of the oven and it exploded everywhere; Ricky's turkey didn't thaw in time), Ricky and I decided Thanksgiving is The Worst Holiday Ever and that we needed to Do Something About It.  So instead of stuffing our faces with genetically deformed turkeys (that's my only vegetarian jab, I promise!), we turned to a celebration of our nation's pilgrim heritage by crossing a body of water in a boat.

I guess our city is technically in the Everglades area, but everything here is all about the beach, so there isn't much in the way of inlet/swamp exploration.  For that, we drove to the neighboring Everglades City, where you can rent canoes or kayaks for the day and explore.  We were pretty excited at the chance for adventuring, but a little wary--they just send you off with this poorly drawn navigational map and tell you to be back by 4:30.  We had to stop in the middle of the...river? ocean? not sure? a few times just to figure out which island was in front of us.  On the way out, we were going with the tide/wind, so it was smooth sailing!

Florida is dang beautiful.

One of the islands has a walking trail that we were aiming for, and we thought we were pretty smooth when we found the right island and the dock.  Well, we discovered then that our canoe didn't have a rope, so instead we found a bare patch on the shoreline and figured we'd just drag the canoe up out of the tide.  Great plan, yes?  So we went for it.

Any aura of coolness we thought we had promptly disappeared when we rowed under the low-hanging trees to reach the island and I came face-to-face with the most monstrous spider I've ever seen.  This thing was so big and filled out that I could see its huge, gaping, red jelly eyes literally a foot away from (and drifting closer to) my face.  I gasped so hard my throat hurt, and instinctively shoved away from the tree with my oar; what I didn't remember in my panic was that the other half of the canoe, occupied by my fearless husband, was also shoved backwards--into the opposite tangle of tree branches.  

All I heard was a strangled "KATIE!" before "UUUUGHoksomething'sonmecrapit'sintheboatdon'tmovedon'tmove," at which point both of my feet shot up off the bottom of the canoe and I said in my calmest voice, "I swear if that thing touches me I am going to totally lose it and it will be really embarrassing and also the boat will probably tip over."

Because I have the instincts of a horror movie survivor, I did NOT turn around to see what the mysterious thing was, which is why the boat panic went on much longer than it should've, because the mysterious thing (which, in my mind, was my horrible spider friend) was actually just a small crab that only looked a little bit like a gigantic spider monster.  Ricky scooped it up with his oar to show me, and when I finally turned around, I cheerfully exclaimed, "Oh look!  It's a little crab!  Aww."

Fear responses are weird.

We didn't see any alligators or manatees, but we saw a ton of birds, and since the beauty of the Everglades is that you can be a total idiot and no one is around to hear you, we made up names and characteristics of the birds a la National Geographic documentaries.  

Eventually it got pretty sore to sit on the metal canoe seats, so our life jackets made nice seat cushions. (My mom is dying right now.  Don't worry, mom! The water around the islands is only about 3-4 feet deep.)

The weather was perfect (low 70s) and everything was beautiful!  It was eerily quiet.  I loved it. 

We briefly got stuck on this beef stroganoff/coral-type thing that snuck up on us.

 When we successfully navigated the islands and decided to head back, we thought we wouldn't have any problem.  The guy who gave us the map had warned us that it would be harder to paddle against the tide (duh, I thought), but I feel like he should've emphasized that no, really, the way back will probably make you lose your will to live.  Not only was the tide coming out against us, but the dang wind was blowing around 20 mph at an angle against the canoe.  So, instead of making a direct crossing, we had to face the wind to keep from losing ground--otherwise, the wind would catch the side of the canoe and push us backwards--which meant we were cresting two-foot waves and coming down hard on the water.  After about five minutes, I looked like a Splash Mountain victim.  ("At least you didn't spew!" says Ricky helpfully.)  It also meant we had to cross the two remaining miles of open water at a nonstop, furious row in order to make any headway.  It was grueling.  At one point I may have yelled to Ricky that Pocahontas' advice to not take the smoothest course was total crap.  ("John Smith is NOT worth this!")

Ricky asked me if I was too tired to keep rowing, and if he should blow the whistle for the park rangers, but there's no motivating factor on earth for me like the shame of embarrassment.  Just the mental image of me having to explain to some poor, working-on-Thanksgiving park ranger that I was too tired was humiliating.  What would my seafaring ancestors think of me?  So we kept rowing.

After an hour and 45 minutes of some seriously intense rowing, we made it back to the rangers' station!

This is my "ugh" face.  Don't let that calm-looking water fool you--this little cove has tree cover on both sides.

When we started, the water level was up at those lighter-colored rocks.  Thanks a lot, tide!

"Please don't make me raise my arms again.  My body can't take it."

Victory shot!

After racking our boat and checking back in at the station, we went in search of an open restaurant, and struck gold with the discovery of a diner in a converted railroad depot right on the water.  Their food was amazing, but I'm still not sure if I think so because it was actually amazing, or because I was just really hungry.  Ricky had Thanksgiving-style offerings (turkey, etc.) while I went for some delicious fried crab cakes, shrimp, and potatoes.  After a bite of Ricky's homemade stuffing, I requested a plate of it to go--it was absolutely the best stuffing I've ever had.  (I had leftovers today, and it was still the best, so that's confirmed.)  I may have to drive there next Thanksgiving just for a plate of that stuffing.

Stuffing is my weakness.

Ricky and I had a great time overall, and we learned that we really need to be spending more time exploring Florida, because this place is amazing!  (And also because we're big weenies when it comes to nature.  I'm looking at you, spider monster.)  Next on our list is a trip to the panther reserve, and a visit to the local swamp sanctuary.  But that'll have to wait until Christmas break, I think.